Friday, May 8, 2015

Skelintons Versus Demons One Oh One


by Xavier Turisini
  

The dead are fighting the demons down in hell and always have been. Both are terrible and neither can possibly win. But worry not, for they cannot touch us up here in the land of light and beauty.

Oh wait sorry what's that?
"He took the King's secret whistle from its secret hook. He blew a long, low blast down the King's back secret stairway. And a moment later he heard them coming! Up from their musty hole beneath the dungeon, up the empty midnight tunnel to the royal bedchamber tower, came the magicians on their padded, shuffling feet. Up and right into the room they came chanting."
  -Bartholomew and the Oobleck, by Dr. Seuss
Fuck. Fucking wizards. Now there are demons and skelingtons crawling out of the dark holes and graveyards all over the world. That's just great.



COME ON WIZARDS THIS IS ELEMENTARY GAME THEORY
Wizard B Summons Devils Wizard B Doesn't Summon Devils
Wizard A Summons the Dead Apocalypse Wizard A and his hellish minions rule the land
Wizard A Doesn't Summon the Dead Wizard B and his hellish minions rule the land Everyone is happy and OK.

Ok, so you can summon an entity that you can barely understand or control and it will serve you for a time. Then it will escape, kill you, and seek to rejoin the war.

There are also a bunch more that others left lying around underneath the ground and in abandoned buildings. You know, the usual.

When they fight it is literally hell on earth.

Ok Cool But What Do They Want

Everyone knows what colour demons are and how a skelington's raspy breath against their tender neck hairs. We know their stats. We know they cannot be defeated. Some skullatuns even use tactics. If you are still confused look to Warhammer art.

Our only desperate hope is the possibility of exploiting their base and overpowering desires. Or perhaps turning them against each other through some grand intelligence that we do not possess.
by Xavier Turisini


SKELLLLLINGTONS

The dead are about as impatient as you'd expect deceased humans to be, and are constantly being forced to wait for very long periods of time. This drives them mad.

Venturing into their realm would be a lot like this because it's great.

They are obsessed with physical items and physicality, especially when valued by the living.

They want things they can touch.

They will trade much for the chance to torture demons.

They are bound by words, promises and belief.

DEMONS

Demons are as patient as the earth itself but constantly forced to move with haste in pursuit of the mortals they hunt (both in life and beyond) and this irritates them to the point of insanity.

Venturing into their realm would be kind of like The Man Who Was Thursday at first, then go horribly, horribly wrong.

They are obsessed with souls, minds and dreams, especially those of mortals.

They want sin or madness.

They will trade much for the souls of dead folk.

They are bound by scented oils, written words and lines on the earth.

by Xavier Turisini

---

Demons and the Dead almost always end up wanting the same thing for different reasons.

Both will marry mortals. The dead one so she may pet, tear and consume his soft warm flesh. The demon so she may slowly drive him insane.

Both will consume hard drugs. The devils for their psychotropic effects, the dead for their street value.

Come to think of it, a wedding adventure where everyone was on Blue Lotus powder would be a great opportunity to put demons and skeletons and fucked up shit all over the place. Someone should write something like that, it would probably be the best thing ever. Oh wait.

SKELONETON GRIEVANCES

OBJECT OF THEIR HATRED

Only the Demons' lowest names are used here for the sake of sanity, but they have many more. This confuses the dead.

  1. Malwallow - mother of swamps
  2. Goldblood - eater of royalty
  3. Mothersbark - mangler of music
  4. Screwtape - writer of letters
  5. Hearthstone - invader of  homes
  6. Beeswax - corrupter of livestock

REASON


  1. They tricked them into suicide
  2. They have their stuff.
  3. They ate their brother.
  4. They loved them for decades but it was a lie
  5. They ruined their family name.
  6. They inherited this hate from their mother, who was given it by her mother. They do not know the reason.

DEMON GRIEVANCES

OBJECT OF THEIR HATRED

  1. Liddunamu, the son of the first police officer.
  2. Berosus, Saviour
  3. Aguragas, the uncle of the first man on the moon
  4. Akki, the daughter of the inventor of  irrigation
  5. Sardanapalas, the Heart Protector
  6. Gandu, the father of the first writer

REASON

  1. Stripped them of their powers and forced them to live as a mortal for 100 years
  2. Trapped them in a lamp
  3. Banished them from hell forever
  4. Cursed their mouth to burn whenever they consume souls
  5. Fitted a bell around their neck that they cannot remove or disguise
  6. Embedded an ancient blade deep in their hulking form.
by Xavier Turisini

"We are men of groans and howls,
Mystic men who eat boiled owls.
Tell us what you wish, oh King.
Our magic can do anything."
  -Bartholomew and the Oobleck, by Dr. Seuss

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